- Anti-bullying tips
-
- When a child discloses bullying details, parents should remain calm as they gather facts about who, what and when the bullying took place. “It’s not helpful to school administrators if somebody says ‘so and so is bullying’ but can’t provide specifics,” University of Virginia education professor Dewey Cornell said.
- Gather evidence if possible, especially if bullying took place over the Internet, a website or cellphone. Try to get names of witnesses, too.
- Schools should have bullying prevention programs in place and be working to change the cultural norms such that reporting bullying isn’t akin to snitching — it’s seeking help for someone who’s being harmed.
- Parents should be persistent in raising their concerns about bullying. If the teacher doesn’t help, go to the administrator and on up the chain of command to the central office if necessary.
- Parents should try to be collaborative, not antagonistic, with the schools.
- Bullying, as defined by the federal government: Behavior must be aggressive and include an imbalance of power — such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity — to control or harm others. Bullying behaviors “happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once.”
- For more information: stopbullying.gov
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Bullied Ohio girl, 15, leaves behind suicide note reading ‘thanks for all the pain’
A 15-year-old girl struggling with bullies, boyfriends and her parents'
broken marriage killed herself after leaving behind a suicide note,
reading "thanks for all the pain."
Cora Delille was found dead in her Pickerington, Ohio home's bedroom last week, along with the painful, handwritten page which police say addressed some of her accused tormenters by name.
"She named like maybe four, maybe five kids. Just first names only," Pickerington Police Commander Matt Delp told the Daily News Tuesday.
Of those names, two were allegedly names of ex-boyfriends — one of which broke up with her the night before she died.
But there were allegedly other struggles far beyond fellow classmates.
"She had a lot of issues going on in her life," said Delp. "Her boyfriend broke up with her, she didn't know if her mother loved her. There were a lot of other things going on in her life other than bullying."
A police investigation into her bullying claim has turned up few leads, though a few students did say that they witnessed it firsthand, according to Delp.
In her schools' files he said there were no reports of it. An online search of her social media accounts also didn't turn up anything crucial, he said.
Shockingly instead, it's the days after her suicide that police say people have posted vile comments about her online.
"I think there are stupid people out there who like to get a rise out of people," reasoned Delp of the appalling activity.
Asked whether the commenters may be people she knew, Delp answered: "Those people could be from Iowa. It's the Internet."
Delp said that he doesn't expect any charges to be pressed against anyone named in her letter.
Even the allegations of bullying that authorities believe they've confirmed weren't more than name calling, which isn't a misdemeanor.
"It's obviously an issue which we in society need to address," summarized Delp. "I think it's human nature to do it, maybe we're messed up as a species."
A request for comment from the Pickerington School District was not returned.
Cora Delille was found dead in her Pickerington, Ohio home's bedroom last week, along with the painful, handwritten page which police say addressed some of her accused tormenters by name.
"She named like maybe four, maybe five kids. Just first names only," Pickerington Police Commander Matt Delp told the Daily News Tuesday.
Of those names, two were allegedly names of ex-boyfriends — one of which broke up with her the night before she died.
But there were allegedly other struggles far beyond fellow classmates.
"She had a lot of issues going on in her life," said Delp. "Her boyfriend broke up with her, she didn't know if her mother loved her. There were a lot of other things going on in her life other than bullying."
A police investigation into her bullying claim has turned up few leads, though a few students did say that they witnessed it firsthand, according to Delp.
In her schools' files he said there were no reports of it. An online search of her social media accounts also didn't turn up anything crucial, he said.
Shockingly instead, it's the days after her suicide that police say people have posted vile comments about her online.
"I think there are stupid people out there who like to get a rise out of people," reasoned Delp of the appalling activity.
Asked whether the commenters may be people she knew, Delp answered: "Those people could be from Iowa. It's the Internet."
Delp said that he doesn't expect any charges to be pressed against anyone named in her letter.
Even the allegations of bullying that authorities believe they've confirmed weren't more than name calling, which isn't a misdemeanor.
"It's obviously an issue which we in society need to address," summarized Delp. "I think it's human nature to do it, maybe we're messed up as a species."
A request for comment from the Pickerington School District was not returned.
Monday, July 21, 2014
THE AFTER EFFECTS OF TEEN SUICIDE
Imagine coming home from work, greeting the dog, and walking upstairs to find your son or daughter dead by their own hands.
The suicide of a child is a very sensitive and sometimes divisive subject for families.
But suicide is a growing concern.
Adults, it's fair to say, know what the consequences are.
A teenager might not. They are not as mature and are more impulsive. They may not realize the scope or full impact of their tragic actions.
Suicide leaves a wake of victims.
Not long ago, 14-year-old Sydney Sanders killed herself. Her mother found her.
For Sydney's mom and sister, the range of emotions is raw. They can't bear even to go back to their home. They shared their story so other families can avoid the pain they are experiencing.
"It hurts and it's hard," said Sydney's mother, Laura Lane. "But I was blessed to have her in my life for 14 years. And she would say to me, 'Mama, suck it up.'"
"Sucking it up" isn't so easy for a grieving mom.
Lane said that her daughter called her that day and talked to her on the phone.
"'I love you, Mama. I promise you I am going to be all right. I am going to read my Bible. I love you and I will see you when you get home,'" Lane recalls Sydney saying.
Those were Sydney's last words to her mother.
Lane discovered Sydney dead in her bedroom. It was a scene which forced her to abandon her home, the culmination of a family crisis that started three months ago.
"There were no signs," Lane says. "None. Never. Not even for the first attempt. None."
The first attempt was the red flag for Lane. It was Valentine's Day morning. Sydney's 17-year-old sister Caleigh walked in on her younger sister.
"I tried to open her door and it was locked," Caleigh recalls. "She never locks her doors and it scared me. I went through the bathroom. She had Band-Aids all over her. She took her Bands-Aids off and showed me the holes. She had all cuts all over her neck. Marks all over, and I was scared."
Caleigh says she yelled at her sister. "[I] told her she was crazy," Caleigh recalls. "She just sat there, just as calm as she could be and said she didn't know what happened."
Sydney's family took her to the hospital, where the truth was revealed. She came home 10 days later.
"She had gotten into some medication," Lane says. "She tried to cut her throat many times and had stabbed herself in areas of her body."
"They told me she did it to herself. I broke down. I was devastated," Caleigh says. "Something was wrong. You don't just wake up out of the blue and do that. Something was going on."
"She never spoke about it again. Didn't discuss it again. She told her close friends about it and never talked about it again," Lane says.
"She told me some things she didn't want Mom to know and she looked me straight in the face and said, 'I love you and always will, but I didn't want to wake up the next morning. I was praying to God I would be gone before you all woke up,'" Caleigh says.
Lane took Sydney to counseling. She says that Sydney was angry and that she made her go back.
"After she talked to the counselor, she said 'Thank you. It's nice to have someone I can speak to. To just talk,'" Lane remembers. "I had doctors tell me she would never do it again. I had therapists tell me she would never do it again."
Caleigh, however, wasn't so sure and left home.
"I just had to get out of there," she explains. "I didn't want to wake up and have my sister be gone and me see it. I don't know what would have happened to me if I saw that. I was scared she would hurt me or my mom or she would do it again. I told her that over and over again and no one listened to me."
On April 5, Lane found Sydney. She had hanged herself from the attic in her bedroom.
Lane was devastated. "Even if I got there immediately, I have been told I would not be able to save my daughter's life," she says.
"I was more angry at the time when I found out than I was hurt, because running through my mind I knew my mom was going to be the first person to find her," Caleigh says. "I just didn't know how she could do this to my mom at all."
The pain and confusion lead to the question everyone is still asking. Why? 14 years old. Beautiful. Athletic. Popular.
"She had everything going for her. From my eyes she did," Caleigh says.
The answer, however, is not black and white.
"She did not have any symptoms of anything. She was not clinically depressed. No medications. No drugs. She was a typical teenager," Lane says. "In the beginning, she was isolated a little bit and things had been going on and circumstances. She told me everything and got through it."
"There's only two people who know and that's God and her," she continues.
"She obviously didn't want anyone to know and kept it to herself," Caleigh adds. "It hurts losing someone you love. I don't want anyone to go through that at all."
Lane says finding the reason why is not going to fix what happened to her daughter, or explain her daughter's actions.
"If we can use her life as an example to fix the ones who are still here, in my daughter's death I hope and pray there will be many changes and there will be lives saved and something wonderful will come out of something so tragic," Lane says.
She is working on a non-profit foundation called Forever 4 Change to promote suicide awareness and counseling.
The bottom line: Know your children, get them to talk and get help. It does get better.
If you think about suicide, or suspect someone you know or love is depressed and contemplating suicide, there is help. Immediately consult a physician. There are also suicide help lines, with 24 hour service. Those numbers are 1-800.999.9999, 1.800.273.8255 and 1.800.273.HELP.
For more information, go to www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
The suicide of a child is a very sensitive and sometimes divisive subject for families.
But suicide is a growing concern.
Adults, it's fair to say, know what the consequences are.
A teenager might not. They are not as mature and are more impulsive. They may not realize the scope or full impact of their tragic actions.
Suicide leaves a wake of victims.
Not long ago, 14-year-old Sydney Sanders killed herself. Her mother found her.
For Sydney's mom and sister, the range of emotions is raw. They can't bear even to go back to their home. They shared their story so other families can avoid the pain they are experiencing.
"It hurts and it's hard," said Sydney's mother, Laura Lane. "But I was blessed to have her in my life for 14 years. And she would say to me, 'Mama, suck it up.'"
"Sucking it up" isn't so easy for a grieving mom.
Lane said that her daughter called her that day and talked to her on the phone.
"'I love you, Mama. I promise you I am going to be all right. I am going to read my Bible. I love you and I will see you when you get home,'" Lane recalls Sydney saying.
Those were Sydney's last words to her mother.
Lane discovered Sydney dead in her bedroom. It was a scene which forced her to abandon her home, the culmination of a family crisis that started three months ago.
"There were no signs," Lane says. "None. Never. Not even for the first attempt. None."
The first attempt was the red flag for Lane. It was Valentine's Day morning. Sydney's 17-year-old sister Caleigh walked in on her younger sister.
"I tried to open her door and it was locked," Caleigh recalls. "She never locks her doors and it scared me. I went through the bathroom. She had Band-Aids all over her. She took her Bands-Aids off and showed me the holes. She had all cuts all over her neck. Marks all over, and I was scared."
Caleigh says she yelled at her sister. "[I] told her she was crazy," Caleigh recalls. "She just sat there, just as calm as she could be and said she didn't know what happened."
Sydney's family took her to the hospital, where the truth was revealed. She came home 10 days later.
"She had gotten into some medication," Lane says. "She tried to cut her throat many times and had stabbed herself in areas of her body."
"They told me she did it to herself. I broke down. I was devastated," Caleigh says. "Something was wrong. You don't just wake up out of the blue and do that. Something was going on."
"She never spoke about it again. Didn't discuss it again. She told her close friends about it and never talked about it again," Lane says.
"She told me some things she didn't want Mom to know and she looked me straight in the face and said, 'I love you and always will, but I didn't want to wake up the next morning. I was praying to God I would be gone before you all woke up,'" Caleigh says.
Lane took Sydney to counseling. She says that Sydney was angry and that she made her go back.
"After she talked to the counselor, she said 'Thank you. It's nice to have someone I can speak to. To just talk,'" Lane remembers. "I had doctors tell me she would never do it again. I had therapists tell me she would never do it again."
Caleigh, however, wasn't so sure and left home.
"I just had to get out of there," she explains. "I didn't want to wake up and have my sister be gone and me see it. I don't know what would have happened to me if I saw that. I was scared she would hurt me or my mom or she would do it again. I told her that over and over again and no one listened to me."
On April 5, Lane found Sydney. She had hanged herself from the attic in her bedroom.
Lane was devastated. "Even if I got there immediately, I have been told I would not be able to save my daughter's life," she says.
"I was more angry at the time when I found out than I was hurt, because running through my mind I knew my mom was going to be the first person to find her," Caleigh says. "I just didn't know how she could do this to my mom at all."
The pain and confusion lead to the question everyone is still asking. Why? 14 years old. Beautiful. Athletic. Popular.
"She had everything going for her. From my eyes she did," Caleigh says.
The answer, however, is not black and white.
"She did not have any symptoms of anything. She was not clinically depressed. No medications. No drugs. She was a typical teenager," Lane says. "In the beginning, she was isolated a little bit and things had been going on and circumstances. She told me everything and got through it."
"There's only two people who know and that's God and her," she continues.
"She obviously didn't want anyone to know and kept it to herself," Caleigh adds. "It hurts losing someone you love. I don't want anyone to go through that at all."
Lane says finding the reason why is not going to fix what happened to her daughter, or explain her daughter's actions.
"If we can use her life as an example to fix the ones who are still here, in my daughter's death I hope and pray there will be many changes and there will be lives saved and something wonderful will come out of something so tragic," Lane says.
She is working on a non-profit foundation called Forever 4 Change to promote suicide awareness and counseling.
The bottom line: Know your children, get them to talk and get help. It does get better.
If you think about suicide, or suspect someone you know or love is depressed and contemplating suicide, there is help. Immediately consult a physician. There are also suicide help lines, with 24 hour service. Those numbers are 1-800.999.9999, 1.800.273.8255 and 1.800.273.HELP.
For more information, go to www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Family: Teen who killed himself after embarrassing video left suicide note
A San Diego family who says their14 year old son killed himself after an embarrassing video went viral said the boy left a suicide letter saying he didn't want to kill himself but that he had "no friends."
In a $1 million claim against the San Diego Unified School District, the parents of Matthew Burdette contend that he was "bullied, harassed and teased" after a video of him in a school bathroom was taken by a classmate and posted online.
In the claim filed in May against the district, Timothy and Barbara Burdette contend that at least one school or district employee knew about the bullying but that nothing was done to stop it, KGTV-TV reported.
Matthew killed himself last November.
The family said the boy left a letter.
"He said, 'I can't do school anymore. I have no friends. I don't want to kill myself, but I have no friends,'" said his aunt, Laura Mechak.
According to the claim, a classmate surreptitiously filmed Matthew in the school bathroom, and then posted it online saying that he was masturbating. The video was viewed by students at several San Diego area high schools.
"Kids saw this video and began to tease Matthew mercilessly," Mechak told the station. "They made his life miserable over a two-week period."
The boy, formerly outgoing, became dejected, and killed himself on a Thanksgiving holiday at his family's cabin, according to the family's claim.
The school district denied knowing about the video and refused to disclose if the student who allegedly filmed the video faced disciplinary action, according to an email sent to KGTV-TV.
Privacy laws prevent the district from discussing the circumstances of the boy's death, according to the statement.
After Matthew's death, his high school held meetings about teen suicide, but the meetings were "general" and not tied to a specific incident, the email said.
In a $1 million claim against the San Diego Unified School District, the parents of Matthew Burdette contend that he was "bullied, harassed and teased" after a video of him in a school bathroom was taken by a classmate and posted online.
In the claim filed in May against the district, Timothy and Barbara Burdette contend that at least one school or district employee knew about the bullying but that nothing was done to stop it, KGTV-TV reported.
Matthew killed himself last November.
The family said the boy left a letter.
"He said, 'I can't do school anymore. I have no friends. I don't want to kill myself, but I have no friends,'" said his aunt, Laura Mechak.
According to the claim, a classmate surreptitiously filmed Matthew in the school bathroom, and then posted it online saying that he was masturbating. The video was viewed by students at several San Diego area high schools.
"Kids saw this video and began to tease Matthew mercilessly," Mechak told the station. "They made his life miserable over a two-week period."
The boy, formerly outgoing, became dejected, and killed himself on a Thanksgiving holiday at his family's cabin, according to the family's claim.
The school district denied knowing about the video and refused to disclose if the student who allegedly filmed the video faced disciplinary action, according to an email sent to KGTV-TV.
Privacy laws prevent the district from discussing the circumstances of the boy's death, according to the statement.
After Matthew's death, his high school held meetings about teen suicide, but the meetings were "general" and not tied to a specific incident, the email said.
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